BREAKING NEWS: SPITZER TO ADMIT RPS

Albany, March 10, AP). According to a New York Times story this afternoon, Governor Eliot Spitzer of New York will hold a press conference later today and admit to using the services of a group of high-priced call girls.

A highly-placed administration source said today, “Obviously, he didn’t get enough at home and outsourced some of his production needs. It wasn’t only his neck that was stiff.”

It is believed that Spitzer will claim illness, the newly documented Restless Putz Syndrome (RPS), and submit himself for treatment.