LARGE (BADLY) USED NORTH AMERICAN NATION FOR SALE. This scenic country, with large, modern cities, spacious skies and beautiful topography featuring amber waves of grain, majestic purple mountains, and fruited plains, is bordered by two shining seas offering breathtaking ocean views in a variety of climate zones, and five Great Lakes, many not entirely polluted rivers, and is priced to sell. The lucky buyer will avail him or herself of magnificent recreational facilities, enormous profit potential, and huge reserves of untapped natural resources.
The Unites States of America, as its original builders called it, has fallen on hard times because of mismanagement, but is an ideal fixer-upper for the ambitious handy man or woman. A little plaster and paint and the U.S.A. will be fit to live in again.
No down payment required of the highly qualified buyer, just take over the large, assumable Chinese mortgage and move right in.
Call Bernanke, Paulsen, and Bush, Realtors at 1-800-WITSEND or go to firesale.USA.gov.
From an idea by University of Michigan senior, Jason Emmendorfer.
Sunday, November 2, 2008
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