Thursday, March 6, 2014

AP NEWS ROUNDUP



Putin banned from future Oscar ceremonies. Vladimir Putin, Russian President has been permanently barred from future Oscar shows for “gross and unwarranted nip-slips.”

Chicago aldermen oppose naming Federal building after Eliot Ness. Chicago’s city council passed a resolution yesterday opposing the renaming of the Washington building that houses the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms (A.T.F.) after Eliot Ness the agent who brought down Al Capone and was memorialized in the TV show and movie, “The Untouchables.” Alderman complained that Ness was overrated, but some believe they actually want to name the building after Capone, who supported so many Chicago aldermen and their families.

Court dismisses charges against man who took upskirt pictures on the subway. The Massachusetts Supreme Court refused to apply a law against secretly photographing nude or partly nude people who reasonably expected privacy, known as the “public privacy protection act (PPPA). The ruling acquitted a man “who had taken cell phone photos and videos of women’s crotches on the Boston Subway” apparently because the law did not specify the particular acts charged. The State Legislature is considering curative amendments to be more specific and will be renamed the Protect Privacy in Public and omnibus Pudenda Prevention Piracy Act of 2014, or, PPP0PPPA. In any event, the legislature is hell-bent on protecting the privacy of publicly presented pudenda and keeping unaware subway riders’ Petticoat Junctions off the internet.

No serious injuries as pregnant Florida woman drives van into ocean with three children strapped in Van. Investigators are trying to determine the woman’s mental state. Meanwhile, Florida authorities have charged her with attempted abortion.

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