Washington, February 23, (AP). Fraud a no-no for members of Congress. Congressman Rick Renzi (R-Ariz), whose “honesty and integrity” were recently lauded by Senator John McCain, was indicted this week on 35 counts of corruption, including fraud, money laundering, and other crimes. Representative John A. Boehner (R-Ohio) said the charges “are completely unacceptable for a member of Congress.” Asked for whom the charges would be acceptable, Boehner threatened to have the reporter waterboarded.
Administration loses intelligence. Bush administration officials said today that since the temporary law exempting phone companies from lawsuits for cooperating with unlawful surveillance requests expired, “we have lost intelligence information.” Asked how they knew what they’d lost if they didn’t get any information; the officials put on monacles and a German accent. “You have relatives, perhaps, in ze old country?” said one. The other, through his cigarette holder, hissed, “veeeeery interesting. But shtupid! Your kids vill be vaterboarded.”
Paper hints that McCain does it. Evangelical Christians were shocked last week at a New York Times story that suggested presidential candidate John McCain might have a penis and used it. One mom said, “How dare the Times print these things. How can we bring up our children with that kind of dirty talk?” Asked whether talking about her child called attention to the possibility that she’d had sexual relations, the Mom waterboarded the reporter.
In a related story, responding to the Justice Department’s inquiry into its legal approval of waterboarding, an administration official said, “Waterboarding? C’mon, it’s the new hula hoop.”
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