"The best way to preserve our freedom is to run off at the mouth." N. Nonymous
"Give a man a pencil and he can write what he wants; give him a computer and he can annoy the world." Sheki Mbeki, Contributing Editor.
Welcome to The Apocryphal Press
The Apocryphal Press (AP) satirizes the real news. Any resemblance to real news just shows how badly it needs satirizing. All content is by Marty Smith, who is jackass enough to own up to it in public. Note that postings written before this blog's January 23, 2008 debut were back dated to their appropriate places in history, Three of them go back to 2007. Laugh if you will, cry if you must, bitch if you want to.
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Austin, TX. In a dispatch dated February 17 headlined “Meet the Flintstones,” The Texas Tribune reported that “Nearly a third of Texans believe humans and dinosaurs roamed the earth at the same time, and more than half disagree with the theory that humans developed from earlier species of animals, according to the University of Texas/Texas Tribune Poll.”
Many of the poll’s respondents said they had actually visited the natural history museum and given names to the dinosaurs, including Rush, Glenn, Sarah, Newt, and Frist. Some also honored neo-dinosaurs, Mitt, Rudy, and Lieberman.
Torrance, California. The Times reports that “James E. Lentz III, the president of Toyota Motor Sales U.S.A., said today that Toyota's huge recall might “not totally” solve the problem of unintended sudden acceleration in some of its vehicles. Mr. Lentz made the statement in a phone call from his Avalon stuck on a pedestrian overpass on the San Diego Freeway. Investigators said the auto had barely avoided a crash with a DC-9 taking off from San DiegoInternationalAirport. They said Mr. Lentz was saved because his car was going faster than the plane.
Vancouver, B.C. Canada. A spokesman for the Winter Olympics denied today that the events Men’s Super Combined and Men’s Half Pipe had anything to do with gay sex or crack smoking.
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