Washington. Arizona senator and Republican presidential candidate John McCain is expected to receive the endorsement of President Bush at a White House luncheon today, according to the British newspaper, The Guardian. A Bush spokesman said the President finally made up his mind after Mike Huckabee withdrew, leaving McCain as the only entry. He said Bush carefully weighed his choices but the President felt it had become “almost a no-brainer,” or, as the President himself said, “DUUUUUUUHHH!!!”
After lunch, McCain will travel to Hackensack, New Jersey, to receive the endorsement of mob boss, Tony Soprano, over dinner at Artie Bucco’s restaurant, Vesuvio. McCain advisers think the boss’ endorsement will be valuable because, “T is a lot more popular than the fuckin’ cocksuckah in the White House.”
He added that while Soprano liked McCain’s opposition to gun control, the deciding factor was the prospect of “a broad or a mulignane” becoming “the capo di tutti capi.”
Phoenix. Republican State Representative Karen S. Johnson, is sponsoring a law to permit people to carry guns on state campuses. A self-described “right-wing wacko,” Johnson wants students and faculty to be able to defend themselves against the no-wing wackos who commit mass murders. She said the plan would be safe because permits would be denied to anyone planning to commit mass murder.
Johnson also favors a bill to permit students and faculty to ride horses, carry lassos, and say “Yippie yi yo kayah.” Johnson said she would call the campus vigilantes, “The Posse Dementatis,” then left for a group therapy session at the “I’m OK, You’re OK Corral.”
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