CHINA HIT BY ANTI-FREEZE SHORTAGE
Beijing. The Chinese government announced today that a serious shortage of antifreeze had paralyzed its auto service industry and caused over-heated motors all over this huge nation. Experts believe the shortage results from the use of anti-freeze in a wide range of non-automotive products. The government recommended using a mixture of toothpaste and cold medicine in auto radiators.
Philadelphia. Veramyst, GlaxoSmithKline’s new prescription antihistamine, can halt sneezing and runny nose, but may cause nasal fungal infection, glaucoma, or cataracts. The drug maker says, “Look for our satisfied users. Just go up to any blind person with athlete’s nose who isn’t sneezing or sniffling and say, “How do you like Veramyst? Then run away quickly because white cane injuries may cause impotence, incontinence, strong sexual urges, and diarrhea. There have been occasional reports of death. Your injuries may vary.”
Detroit. Excited by the first black and blind Governor of New York, David A. Paterson, singer Stevie Wonder returned to the place of his first triumphs and announced for Mayor of Detroit. He said, “Detroit you are the sunshine of my life, you are my cheri amour, I am signed, sealed and delivered to you, and think about it: I can’t read text messages.”
The AP’s gubernatorial historian says, “While Paterson is the first legally blind governor, there have been many who are morally or ethically blind, including Mr. Paterson's predecessor, Eliot Spitzer, and the President of the United States who was the Governor of Texas.”
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