Dec 20, 2011 (AP). The White House. President Barack Obama announced today a compromise deal with his wife, Michelle in which she agreed to sleep with the President for a week in return for his binding promise never to ask her again for sex. The President said that while he didn’t get everything he asked for, it was the most he could get under very difficult circumstances and would save the family $1.2 billion over the next decade in condom, lubricant, and medical expenses.
Conservative Think Tank adds new scholars. The Washington Zoo announced that their three recently escaped monkeys have joined the conservative think-tank Pro Pecuniae Privatus and would be renamed “Hear No Liberal, See No Liberal, and Speak No Liberal.” Think tank President, Glenn Dreck, said the monkeys are “the smartest primates in Washington.” They will spend their days at the proverbial typewriters, and their nights as Fox News analysts.
Religious news. An investigation is under way into the disappearance of millions of dollars from a New York synagogue headed by Orthodox Rabbi Yoshiyahu Yosef Pinto, 38. Rabbi Pinto has high-level followers including members of Congress, business leaders, and, according to the Times, “Even LeBron James, who is not Jewish, borrowed a friend’s yacht to consult the rabbi in private.” Asked for comment Rabbi Pinto said, “I’m shocked. Shocked! Are you telling me LeBron James isn’t Jewish?”
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