The Senate. A Republican filibuster today blocked President Obama’s appointment of Richard Cordray as head of the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau, an agency created by Congress. Republican Senate leader Mitch McConnell of Kentucky, said his party had made clear for months that it would not approve a leader for the watchdog consumer agency until the law that established it was amended. He added, “excuse me; I have to go back to holding my breath until I turn blue.” To demonstrate the profound effect of his self-imposed apnea, McConnell lowered his trousers, bent over, and hummed “Blue Moon of Kentucky.”
McConnell’s spokesperson said the Senator will next offer a resolution to require the President to obtain prior Congressional approval to urinate or defecate.
The campaign. Newt Gingrich said today that his books effectively conveyed his views and values. They are “the cultural wing of what we’re doing; I am a cultural teacher, with a political campaign to change a government. And that’s how I see myself.” Robert Burns, the long-dead bard of Scotland returned momentarily to comment: “O wad some Power the giftie gie us, To see oursels as ithers see us!”
A.P. joke editor, Sheki Mbeki, said a punch line would be as superfluous as a Democrat in the Senate.
Apocryphal Press Help Wanted Ad. POTUS needs a literate Democrat with the patience of Job and a deep understanding of political campaigns to read and annotate Newt Gingrich’s 25 mind-numbing non-fiction and fiction books for sound-bite and bumper-sticker sized excerpts that portray Mr. Gingrich in a light even worse than that in which he shows himself by his public statements. Must be prepared to search tirelessly for contradictions, disagreements, and flip-flops. Good pay and benefits including a fully-funded 24/7 suicide watch. No present or former employee of Fox News need apply.
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